News 2020
Futures traders wishing to profit unfairly from the revelations contained herein are invited to apply to the reporter with appropriate incentives
Prospective parents will be able to use the free market to provide for their children's future under a new package of measures to be introduced during the next parliament, the Department of Child Welfare and Human Resource Conservation announced today.
Statistics show that children in Britain are better off since the abolition of welfare payments ten years ago. Radical campaigners claimed that the Government was fiddling the figures, until the Government stopped publishing poverty statistics two years ago, since when the record has improved almost beyond measure.
Nevertheless, the Prime Minister's personal commitment to social justice may once more shine beaconlike through the dry dust of legislative procedure when the new measures come before MPs next year.
The new law will provide parents with the opportunity to start payments for their child's upbringing and education within a few days of conception. The money will be paid to banks and investment firms under a special "embryonic mortgage scheme", and any profits can be used by parents to help pay for the child's clothes, schooling or medical care later in life.
The pilot scheme will be voluntary, but the Government is understood to be considering a compulsory version if the banks and investment firms involved deliver a positive verdict.
The opposition children's spokesperson, Ophidia Bumstead, has criticised the scheme as unworkable, saying it would place too great a financial burden on the private corporations which volunteered to administer it. "Involving the free market should not be made an excuse for the over-exploitation of Britain's entrepreneurial resources," Ms Bumstead stated.
Government spokesperson Balthazar Minge today dismissed Ms Bumstead's claims. "We believe this legislation will demonstrate the Government's commitment to investment-stimulated parental responsibility combined with fiscal prudentiality," he said.
Prospective parents will be able to use the free market to provide for their children's future under a new package of measures to be introduced during the next parliament, the Department of Child Welfare and Human Resource Conservation announced today.
Statistics show that children in Britain are better off since the abolition of welfare payments ten years ago. Radical campaigners claimed that the Government was fiddling the figures, until the Government stopped publishing poverty statistics two years ago, since when the record has improved almost beyond measure.
Nevertheless, the Prime Minister's personal commitment to social justice may once more shine beaconlike through the dry dust of legislative procedure when the new measures come before MPs next year.
The new law will provide parents with the opportunity to start payments for their child's upbringing and education within a few days of conception. The money will be paid to banks and investment firms under a special "embryonic mortgage scheme", and any profits can be used by parents to help pay for the child's clothes, schooling or medical care later in life.
The pilot scheme will be voluntary, but the Government is understood to be considering a compulsory version if the banks and investment firms involved deliver a positive verdict.
The opposition children's spokesperson, Ophidia Bumstead, has criticised the scheme as unworkable, saying it would place too great a financial burden on the private corporations which volunteered to administer it. "Involving the free market should not be made an excuse for the over-exploitation of Britain's entrepreneurial resources," Ms Bumstead stated.
Government spokesperson Balthazar Minge today dismissed Ms Bumstead's claims. "We believe this legislation will demonstrate the Government's commitment to investment-stimulated parental responsibility combined with fiscal prudentiality," he said.
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