The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Thursday, November 25, 2004

News 2020

News so new it hasn't happened yet

Last month's suicide of a man on the Bush Memorial in Manhattan is being tastelessly exploited for political ends, the US Department of Homeland Happiness said today.

Mr Wilby Dunn, a 48-year-old New Yorker, shot himself beside the monument, which was erected on the "Ground Zero" site of what used to be the World Trade Centre, which was destroyed in the terrorist attacks of 11 September 2001, when America was attacked, triggering the war on terrorism to defend the world from being attacked as America was attacked on 11 September 2001.

Mr Dunn's family say that he had been depressed over the loss of his job, and that he had made some objections to the policy of the US government in the Middle East, Asia, Central America and New York. The family claim that Mr Dunn's opinions were within the limits prescribed for health reasons by US law, but the FBI are checking his personal computer for evidence of possible terroristic contamination.

Meanwhile, the family have raised strenuous objections to the portrayal of Mr Dunn, in a government information film, as an indirect victim of terrorism whose last earthly wish was to get close to the late Commander-in-Chief, George W Bush.

"We believe it's quite legitimate to interpret his last actions that way," said Homeland Happiness spokesperson Blyth Munsey. "We're trying to emphasise Mr Bush's closeness to the people, so it seems pretty reasonable to use the example of a man who spent his last moments communing with that immortal American soul."

Mr Munsey continued, "It's a real pity the family can't let him rest in peace. All they're going to achieve with this campaign of theirs is a bad reputation for themselves. There's just no denying Dunn and Bush were close. I mean, the guy's brains had to be scraped off the memorial."

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