The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

News 2020

Futures traders wishing to profit unfairly from the revelations contained herein are invited to apply to the reporter with appropriate incentives

The Prime Minister has announced that he will moderate his stance on the revised Detroit treaty for environmental protection. His previous uncompromising attitude, while welcomed by the governments of France, Germany, Russia, Japan, Canada, Latin America and Africa, has caused some concern in the international community.

The Detroit treaty was a downrevision of the old Kyoto treaty, which set enviro-scrupulosity targets that are now recognised to have been hopelessly idealistic. The Detroit treaty itself has been downrevised three times over six annual international conferences in the hope of persuading the US to sign.

However, at 11:58pm on Monday, during a press conference in the White House lawn bunker, the Commander-in-Chief of the US stated that Washington "could not accept any strictures which impeded the freedom of American business to spread its luminescent manure on the dark fields of chaos and thus facilitate the cultivation of the fragile flower of liberty."

The following day, at 12:01am, the Prime Minister announced that he welcomed the Commander-in-Chief's statement and hoped that it would do more to encourage other countries to set aside petty national ambitions in the interest of helping the whole world, as the United States had been prone to do throughout its history.

The Prime Minister also stated that, in light of Washington's show of goodwill, Britain would now be prepared to compromise on certain aspects of the revised Detroit treaty, in the hope of making it more inclusive towards the international community as a whole.

He proposed a new international conference, to take place next year, to iron out the details of a new and more generally acceptable treaty. The US has indicated that it may send a delegate "if the atmosphere looks favourable towards a solution".

The Prime Minister dismissed suggestions that he was merely parroting the American line. "It is perfectly reasonable for the American government not to accept any strictures which impede the freedom of American business to spread its luminescent manure on the dark fields of chaos and thus facilitate the cultivation of the fragile flower of liberty," he said.

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