The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Saturday, March 05, 2005

6610 and all that: Extracts from a future history

Of the Free World, 911 and the Hoards

...The largest military power on Earth in those days was the Benighted State, also known as the Free World, Murca or simply Us; this last term often being written in upper-case letters to emphasise the exclusive and privileged nature of belonging. The rulers of the Benighted State were known as the Executive Branch; towards the final phase of the era the Executive Branch extended its control into all areas of human life, and because of this proliferation the "branch" became known as the "Bush". Such was the influence of the Benighted State that an outpost of the Executive Branch, apparently located thousands of miles away in the southern hemisphere, was known as the Australian Bush.

The Benighted State controlled all communication across the world by means of making more noise than any other nation; the largest transmitters for such noise were apparently located on one of the Atlantic islands. The sounds, which were supposed simultaneously to lull any doubts about the Benighted State's benevolence and to drown out all competing influences, were known as the Tonal Blare. It is thought that the Blare was kept going, at the behest of the Benighted State, for a period of almost a decade before other means were found for keeping the populace under control.

Because of the extent of the devastation resulting from the rule of the Benighted State, not to mention the considerable period of time which elapsed before civilisation emerged once more from the ruins, it is frequently difficult to study the period with any great degree of reliability. What, for instance, was the significance of the number 911 during those last catastrophic years? Certain fragmentary texts in our possession suggest that "911" was something that citizens of the Benighted State called when in distress, much as present-day primitives call when bereaved upon the deity Int Soo Ranz; but it is not at all clear whether this number-calling had any significance beyond the symbolic or, if not, what it may have symbolised.

Historians of the pre-catastrophe have also been much exercised by the various Hoards or Hordes which are said to have been present about this time. One such Hoard (the standard spelling, adopted according to what is assumed to be the traditional pronunciation) is associated with the Australian Bush, and according to some texts repulsed a massive invasion by some very thin people in boats. According to another interpretation, the thin people were themselves the Horde to which the ancient records refer, who overran the country's great outdoor centres for mental exercise ("concentration campsites") and thus destabilised the society. Another and different Hoard apparently set itself up in opposition to the Tonal Blare, but the issue or issues over which disagreement arose remain too subtle or too obscure for present-day commentators to fathom...

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