The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Monday, July 11, 2005

News 2020

Blitz spirit in the face of terror

The official death toll for last week's terrorist terror attacks now stands at 156, the Department of Atrocity Management has announced.

As of this morning, rescuers were still attempting to dig out an unknown number of terror victims who were buried under debris when the terrorists struck with their terroristic terror tactics.

"The most difficult part is the children," said one rescuer when asked by a reporter just exactly how he felt about it all in his own words but briefly.

The Department of Atrocity Management has confirmed that rescuers have been encountering difficulties in determining whether under-fives have the proper level of health insurance that would justify digging them out, and urged commuters to be vigilant in keeping up their payments.

Despite the terrorist attack several days ago, millions of commuters today defied the terrorists by going to work as normal.

The Prime Minister condemned the terrorists, expressed his condolences to the victims and praised London's "traditional Blitz spirit" in Parliament today. "The Protestant work ethic is something they will never take away from us," he said.

The leader of the opposition, Boris Johnson, condemned the terrorists, expressed his condolences to the victims, praised London's "wartime stoicism" and asked whether an inquiry would be set up to blame the Government for allowing the terror attacks to take place.

The Home Secretary condemned the terrorists, expressed his condolences to the victims, praised the rescuers for their bravery, their fortitude and their anticipated lack of insistence on a pay rise in the near future, and said that nobody could blame the Government for the attacks as nothing could possibly have prevented them, but that the Government would be taking "every possible preventive measure" as instantly as possible.

None of the victims are known to have been asylum seekers, but at least two were Arabs and several more were self-confessed Muslims. The authorities have not yet confirmed whether they were friendly fire, collateral damage or real people.

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