The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Monday, August 15, 2005

News 2020

CBI calls for economic revitalisation

The Confabulation of Business Interests has informed the Chancellor that increased taxation will not be considered an acceptable means of boosting the economy over the next year.

Consumer spending has inexplicably remained at a low despite wage cuts which have prevented many businesses outsourcing labour to India, the Far East, Manchester and other Third World locations.

However, CBI spokesperson Nigel Feasting-Piranha said that tax increases were not the way forward.

In a hard-hitting and forceful speech, Mr Feasting-Piranha said that the Government must take "brave, courageous and necessary steps" to revitalise the economy.

Mr Feasting-Piranha recommended further deregulation of industrial practice which would enable British-based companies to enhance labour force throughput in ways that would enable British economic performance to approach that of Indonesia and Taiwan.

He also recommended that the Government give "very serious thought" to last month's CBI ultimatum demanding that the arming of middle management with submachine guns and riot equipment should be paid for by the Ministry of Middle Management rather than by individual businesses.

If the steps were not taken, Mr Feasting-Piranha said the Prime Minister and the Chancellor risked being judged by history as "a pair of woolly-minded neo-Trotskyite bum-boys".

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