The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

News 2020

Commander-in-Chief slams nonpromptitudity of fiscal compassion

The US Commander-in-Chief has criticised international relief efforts aimed at helping American subjects who claim to have been left destitute in the wake of Hurricane Condi last year.

Ever since the disaster, aid has been flooding in from the British mainland as well as from Europe, Japan and south-east Asia.

In his address from the newly waterproofed Oval Bunker today, the Commander-in-Chief directed his criticisms against countries like Bangladesh, Indonesia and Sri Lanka, which have failed to entirely fulfil the pledges they made in the immediate aftermath of the disaster.

"It is not the American way for governments to fail to keep their promises, just as it is not the American way to desert fellow citizens in their hour of need or strike the first blow in war when there is an extra mile for peace to be gone," the Commander-in-Chief said.

The lack of the aid promised by the three countries was "a sad reflection on the moral values of the non-Christian part of the world", the Commander-in-Chief said.

Many potential street-cleaners and other humble-grade resources in Florida were too spendthrift to evacuate when requested by the federal government, and are now in danger of constituting a "drag on homeland attitude positivity", the Commander-in-Chief said.

Although some pressure groups blamed the federal government for not doing enough to prevent the hurricane, an investigation headed by the Commander-in-Chief himself absolved the Commander-in-Chief and his immediate subordinates of all responsibility for the disaster.

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