The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Accurate, Reliable and Trustworthy

"It seems to me vital that the news is accurate, reliable and trustworthy and that people don't feel they are being spun a line."
Alan Rusbridger, Guardian editor


Iran was today accused by the British nation, whatever that may be, of supplying Iraqi insurgents with equipment to kill British soldiers in the south of the country.

A senior government official, whose name is clearly of no importance, said that there was evidence that the Iranians were in contact with insurgent groups fighting the occupiers in Iraq.

"We think it has come from Lebanese Hizbollah via Iran," he said, offering no evidence worth publishing. He added that the action could be an attempt to warn Britain, which is in breach of the UN charter and which has shown no interest whatever in its nuclear disarmament obligations, to stop its demands that Tehran should abandon its controversial nuclear programme.

Tehran's nuclear programme is controversial because Britain disapproves of it. Britain disapproves because the White House disapproves.

The unnamed official continued, "It would be entirely natural that they would want to send a message 'Don't mess with us'. It would not be outside the policy parameters of Tehran." This clearly settles the matter,

The anonymous official claimed that the explosives had come from Iran's Revolutionary Guard. He refused to be drawn on whether the Revolutionary Guard were operating on orders from the Iranian government or were playing at being Oliver Norths. Reporters refused to be drawn on whether they attempted to draw the official on the matter of evidence for his assertions.

The highly reliable official said it now appeared that "elements in Tehran" were in contact with Sunni Muslim insurgent groups in Iraq. This is a big surprise, since Iran is Shia and, as everyone knows, because occupation officials have told us, Shia Muslims and Sunni Muslims enjoy blowing each other up - the very thing we occupied Iraq to prevent.

The non-specific official said there was some evidence, which he did not specify, that the Iranians are in contact with Sunni groups. The official said he did not think it was for a benign purpose. Reporters refused to be drawn on whether they asked, "Benign for whom?" or whether the evidence was any more reliable than the evidence of weapons of mass destruction, uranium yellowcake, forty-five-minute warnings, etc.

The eminently newsworthy official warned that there was likely to be an upsurge in violence, presumably above and beyond the civic beautification projects which constitute American tactics in the country, "in the run up to the referendum on the new Iraqi constitution on October 15 and also in the lead up to elections in December". This was the official's way of saying that people will continue to be slaughtered until at least the end of the year.

"That is what the security forces are preparing for. There are a lot of people who don't want this process to succeed," he said.

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