The Curmudgeon


Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Moderate Muslimity, Forward Positivity

The Vicar of Downing Street having resolved that his last blessing before ascension shall be a final solution to the Palestinian problem, he spent a statesmanlike hour today informing the Americans that it would be a jolly decent thing if they could "re-engage" in the "peace process" and take part in a "whole Middle East strategy". Merely selling arms to the Righteous State and shipping them via the Vicar's parish is no longer going to be good enough; if "moderate Muslim feeling" is to be appeased, there will have to be definite progress in packing those lesser breeds into their little bantustans, so that construction of Israel's Fence of Reconciliation may continue without undue hindrance. This, according to his reverence, is the "single biggest issue" in "getting moderate Muslim countries to support the new Iraq"; and it goes without saying that, once moderate Muslim countries support the new Iraq, all the trouble now being caused there by extremists will die down of its own accord. "By moving ahead in Israel and Palestine we believe you remove the central issue that they exploit to stop progress," a spokesbeing said. There is, of course, no possible risk of the new Iraq becoming a central issue in itself - not with fourteen permanent US bases to help future sovereign, independent Iraq governments keep things just democratic enough. Meanwhile, the Vicar's "whole Middle East strategy" will attempt to tackle those forces outside Iraq which are preventing our boys from being pelted with flowers as they deserve. As usual, one is either with his reverence or against his reverence; the lukewarm he spits out of his mouth: "You don't wait, you move forward and you put it up to Iran and Syria," that spokesbeing said. "Are they going to be part of the positive drive forward or are they not?" This is certainly moderate; and his reverence has even informed Iran how it can make a start on atoning for past transgressions: "assist the Middle East peace process, stop supporting terrorism in Iraq and Lebanon and abide by its international obligations on nuclear non-proliferation". In that case, "a new partnership is possible". If they behave really well, Tony and his chums might even try and teach them how to be civilised.


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