If You Haven't Got A Gunboat, A Telephone Will Do

Our glamorous Minister for Lesser Breeds, the Upper Miliband, has done his bit for the greatness of Britain by whining on the phone to the American Secretary of State about four erstwhile guests at the Guantánomaly whom the US transferred to Bermuda. As a beneficiary of the Empire For Which We Should Stop Apologising, Bermuda does not have the right to conduct foreign relations without asking the Upper Miliband first. Since the illicit relations in this case were with the US, the Bermudan government ought to have consulted the British government, which would then have asked the American government for permission to allow the Bermudan government to do what the American government wanted. The Americans' permission being summarily granted, the British government would then have informed the Bermudan government that four Chinese Muslim Uighurs did not, in the opinion of the British government, constitute an unacceptable threat to the Bermudan way of life, and the Bermudan government would have done exactly what it has now done; the difference being that the Special Relationship would be enhanced, the Upper Miliband would be at ease with itself, and the Bermudans would know their place.