Everything's All Right, Yes Everything's Fine

Now that the world has been properly saved, and the banks have so far mended their ways that the more successful among them are beginning to repay their debt to the taxpayer, the political editor of Britain's leading liberal newspaper can turn his attention to more significant matters, such as what the Glorious Successor will be doing on his holidays. Spokesbeings at Downing Street were initially "coy" and "reluctant to respond", and "for more than 24 hours they refused to be drawn"; but evidently the great traditions of investigative journalism are not dead, for at the last they were persuaded. Gordon, it appears, will be filling the void of his copious spare time by doing a bit of community work. Nevertheless, the political editor of Britain's leading liberal newspaper was warned that the Glorious Successor "was not keen to have any publicity for what he was going to do" lest uncharitable souls should grieve him by misreading it as a publicity stunt. The spokesbeings "instead insisted he ... wanted even as prime minister to stay close to his constituents", rather than working from home like someone in charge of a country during a crisis, or even indulging in family values as a lesser man might. Doubtless Gordon is mindful of the possible unpleasantness in a Prime Minister losing his own seat during a general election. Besides, as we all know, the expenses scandal has brought home to Gordon just how precious is the link between MP and constituents when making arguments against proportional representation. Gordon also has "a genuine commitment to community work", probably because it is often done by volunteers, enemies of Britishness or other unwaged human resources.

It is not clear what work Gordon will be doing when he buries himself and his bodyguards in the humble joy of work freely given; but with so much unemployment, poverty and deprivation around I am sure his customers will be happy to see him. It has been made clear to the political editor of Britain's leading liberal newspaper that what Gordon will not be doing is penance, so regrettably there will be no orange Community Payback jacket.