The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Grace and Favour

Touching evidence of concern for the poor and disadvantaged has emerged at the General Synod, where a lay member was reassured that the bishops were in no danger of eviction from their houses. In accordance with the Saviour's little joke at Matthew 6 xix, the average value of an episcopal hovel is two and a quarter million pounds, and eleven of the Saviour's humble servants also employ chauffeurs, four of whom also work as gardeners, doubtless in the interests of thrift. Andreas Whittam Smith, the First Church Estates commissioner, said: "Nowhere in the Church, and this includes bishops, is there any excessive spending. People do the best they can, I think." The reverend residences "are as they are", much like the Deity Himself in Exodus 3 xiv, as a result of a deal struck a hundred years ago. Well, that certainly settles that. The Church, of course, has only recently recognised women and discreet homosexuals as more or less fully paid-up human beings, so it may be a little unfair to expect further radical modernisations for a few decades yet.

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