The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Monday, June 13, 2016

Why Can't They Just Breathe Less?

Mere experts are once again attempting to sully the clear blue waters of British pluck and gumption with the idea that our fine, clean-limbed children cannot cope with a bit of traffic. A study done on a few foreigners in a country where they can't even spell Anderson has found a link between air pollution and mental illness in children. The cause of mental illness in British children, of course, is that junior resources in families with shirker-level incomes are faking stress in order to get out of learning Gove's British Grammar for Toddlers in time for their eleven-months-plus exams, while meddling Euro-wogs have forbidden parents to utilise the age-old remedy of enhanced gluteal incentives against antisocial behaviour. Fortunately, our island nation is blessed with heroic, no-nonsense populists like the London Haystack, who apparently suppressed a report into the effects of air pollution so as to avoid causing unnecessary worry to hard-working families and distracting them from genuine priorities like migrant-bashing and Bozza-boosting.

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