The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Saturday, October 14, 2017

Normality Not Normanity

On this day in 1066, the United Kingdom of Plucky Little Britain (which, in the absence of proper Americans, was then generally known as England) suffered invasion by European immigrants. Deposing the democratically elected king, Sir Harold Boris de Pfeffel Godwinson, the Franco-Scandinavian horde proceeded to impose a Feudal System upon the indigenous population, which had hitherto lived a life of carefree liberty in hard-working families. The alien swarm wasted no time in taking over what had been the rights and privileges of freedom-loving Englishmen; in a particularly egregious access of insolence, they even took it upon themselves to harry the North like paid-up members of the British Conservative Party. The nation's very language became bizarrely polluted and mutilated into something nearly resembling the tongue Chaucer spoke, and even the Royal Family did not remain immune, as unpronounceable foreign names like William, Henry and Richard Lionheart replaced solid, businesslike Anglo-Saxon ones like Æthelred, Odda and Eadric the Grabber. Without a doubt, the invasion was the most unsatisfactory subheading in our island story since plucky little England rolled back the Romans under the leadership of that great king, Sir Arthur Boris de Pfeffel Pendragon. Nevertheless, it still remains unclear when the Home Office plans to start deporting all non-Anglo-Saxon taxpayers back to where they came from.

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